If Only
by Mrs. HopeEstheim
Summary: If only they understood each other to start out with. Shunsui x Nanao. One-shot.


**This is my first Shunsui x Nanao fic in almost a year now, isn't it? Or has it been longer? I think it's only been about a year. But. Yeah. It's still been a long time. I hope it's okay. It was just something I did on a whim, and because a few people actually have reviewed my other Shunnao fics recently...haha. **

**I hope it's at least okay (again).**

**Anyway, here it is.**

* * *

><p>He loved her.<p>

There wasn't anything wrong with that.

It was just that he didn't know if she loved _him_, and he just couldn't take it anymore.

You see, Shunsui Kyoraku wasn't always the most…patient of men. Especially when he was after a woman. After all, he was a captain of one of the thirteen court guard squads, so it wasn't usually hard to get a date. It was just that this particular woman was rather difficult. To be fair, he hadn't expected it to be easy to win her affections, because somewhere down the line she'd been hurt one too many times and now she found it hard to trust men. And there was the teensy little fact that she didn't really believe in relationships within the workplace.

She was beautiful. Even when she was yelling at him for not doing his job (what a fearless woman, really!), or when she was diligently working at her desk when he was slacking off. Other women dulled in comparison next to her. He did wish she'd let her hair down a little more often, because he couldn't help but dream about running his much larger hands through the delicate raven strands, but there wasn't really anything he could do about it. He was sure that if he asked her to leave her hair down, she'd put it up every day for all of eternity just so he didn't get his wish. Somewhere in her mind, he told himself, she would have this strange notion that agreeing to his request to leave her hair down would somehow hamper how much he worked. And he had to admit that it would probably be right.

It was true that earning his lovely lieutenant's attentions wouldn't be very easy.

But what kind of love stricken man would Shunsui be if he didn't like a little challenge?

Besides, she was his precious Nanao. Even if she wouldn't be very easy to catch, he wouldn't let her fall prey to anyone but him. He never wanted her to be hurt again, in any way. Physically or emotionally. He wanted to protect her from everything and he would be damned if anything got in his way. She was just too beautiful and smart and fiery to become one of those women that men just used and then threw away. She'd never be that kind of woman to him.

"Captain Kyoraku!" came a sharp and definitively feminine voice. Light footsteps came toward him on the roof at a quick pace.

_Speak of the devil and she shall appear_, the brunette captain thought to himself as he tilted his hat up to look at the annoyed woman. Her hands were on her hips, her hair in disarray, and her glasses were slightly crooked but still she was beautiful to him. Her glasses flashed as she leaned her head so that she could see him, but when the glare on the glass was gone he could see her gorgeous eyes and he just wanted to hold her.

"Yes, my lovely Nanao?" he asked instead, relaxing some more.

"You've been neglecting your duty again, Captain!" the woman was barely controlling her anger. "What are you going to do when you're demoted because the paperwork is barely done on time and they need someone who's more efficient to take your place?"

"Why, I'll suggest you for the job and be glad to help you complete your tasks on time," Shunsui sounded unconcerned, and he knew it would made her sigh. And just as he had expected, the huff of air escaped her lips and the silence stretched for a few long moments.

"So you won't come do your work?" she finally asked, her voice slightly strained. "You'll stay up here, being lazy and drinking sake, while the rest of your division rushes to finish all the work that needs to be done?"

"I'll come help later, but for now I want to enjoy this lovely day. Why don't you join me, Nanao?"

"You're unbelievable, Captain," the lieutenant said exasperatedly, then he felt and heard her leave.

"If only you knew, Nanao," he whispered so softly he _knew_ she wouldn't hear. "If only you knew."

* * *

><p>"Damn him," the dark haired lieutenant of the eighth division muttered vehemently under her breath, glancing back up at the roof.<p>

_Maybe someday he'll understand, Nanao_, she tried to reason with herself, as futile as the thought might be. Maybe he'd understand that she wanted him to be in the office with her, urging her to complete her paperwork but also distracting her so she didn't finish in a timely manner. She was annoyed by it, but she loved it all the same because it gave her more time with _him_. That foolish captain of hers…why couldn't he understand?

She loved it when he came in and worked with her. Even if his definition of 'working' was sitting at his desk, propping his feet upon the wooden top and drinking sake as she signed paper after paper and scolded him until her own ears rang. How he just smirked at her after she gave him a sound talking-to (or talking-_at_? Since she was never sure he listened), she'd never know, but he did and it made her heart do a few flip-flops in her chest.

The way he always had stubble on his cheeks and chin, the way he grinned so cheerfully at her, and the way he looked so damn _good_ with his hair that long all made her want to give in to his womanizing ways, but she held herself firm. She didn't want to be used, and even if it hurt her to keep herself away from him, it would hurt in the end to be dumped by him, too. And then she'd still have to face him every single day when she came in to work.

But oh, she loved him.

And she didn't know he loved her, too.

"If only you understood!" she stamped her foot in frustration, a puff of dirt around her foot. She'd spoken louder than when she'd cursed earlier, and had no way of knowing that the man in a flowery pink haori atop the Eighth Division's headquarters had sat up to look down upon his lieutenant in curiosity.

* * *

><p><em>If only you understood!<em>

Wasn't that his line?

The rigid stance of his lieutenant as she muttered to herself down on the ground was enough to show him she was expressing anger that she didn't show to his face. He wanted to know why now. Now that he'd seen this side of her, he wanted to know what other emotions she was hiding from him behind her stoic façade. His dear, sweet little Nanao…

"If only…you understood!" he heard her repeat…but why did she sound like that?

* * *

><p><em>Damn it<em>, Nanao inwardly cursed at the tears that had begun to fall.

Why did it hurt so much to ignore his advances? Why did it hurt so much when he refused to join her in the office to do his work? Maybe it hurt because it was like he was refusing _her_. She knew she shouldn't think that way, but she just couldn't help it. Was it bad that she wanted to give in to her captain? Even if he was just going to use her, like it seemed he did with the other women…would it be bad to succumb? Maybe…maybe it wouldn't be like all the other times. Maybe he really meant it with her!

"I'm such a fool," she laughed softly, rubbing her eyes furiously.

"Nanao?"

Without thinking, she whipped her head toward the voice, a few dried tears still twinkling on her slightly flushed cheeks.

* * *

><p>When she turned to look at him, looking like a deer caught in the headlights, Shunsui caught his breath. She'd been <em>crying<em>. Of all the things for Nanao to be doing, it had to be _crying_? But…why? Was it because of him?

Suddenly, he hated himself.

And before he knew it, he found himself landing on the ground beside her, hat and sake forgotten on the roof as he wrapped his precious lieutenant in his arms without a word, tucking her head against his chest. Her hands, shaking, came up to grab two fistfuls of his pink haori, but he didn't mind.

* * *

><p>She didn't know why she was giving in. After all of her arguments <em>against<em> giving in, here she was desperately trying to stop her tears and leaning against him! Without even asking her, he'd hugged her, but she'd just leaned into the embrace and clutched his clothes. She couldn't deny that it's what she had been wanting for a long time now, but the fact that she'd given in kind of appalled her.

But…she'd never seen him just give such a simple embrace before. Maybe he really meant something with her?

The hope welled in her chest and she decided, just this once, that she'd go out on a limb to do something for herself, even if it was going to hurt her. She hardly ever did anything for herself anymore, after all, so didn't she deserve to be selfish just this once?

"I…I love you, Captain," she murmured, face buried in his firm chest. The words were muffled but audible, and she was afraid of how he'd respond to them but _oh, so_ glad she'd managed to get them off of her chest at long last.

* * *

><p><em>I love you, Captain<em>.

Weren't those his words, too?

Shunsui just held Nanao closer, glad that she'd finally understood what he'd seen coming for just a little while. Or maybe she'd noticed long ago but had only just now decided to tell him. Whatever the case, he was glad she'd said it first, because it made it easier for him to say it back to her.

"It's about time, Nanao," Shunsui whispered, gently kissing the top of her head. "I love you, too."

* * *

><p>It was cheesy, and cliché, and both of them knew it but somehow hadn't really seen it coming in that way. But neither of them cared, because it meant that they got to have each other at long last. And that's all that they'd really ever wanted, even if they'd only realized it just recently.<p>

* * *

><p><strong>THE END.<strong>

**Cheesy? Yes. Cliché? Very. But...I hope you liked it anyway.**

**Thanks for giving it a chance, even if you don't like it very much. XD **

**1,719 words without my author's notes. **

**BTW. I'm not caught up on the Bleach manga or anime, so that's why I don't really try to follow the actual manga plotlines or anything for my Bleach fics. I'm still only in the middle of reading the Arrancar arc...haha. (Yes, I'm that far behind. So sue me XD)**


End file.
